Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Faml 300-03 Keeping Marriages Together

          Does anyone really care if my marriage is strong or fails? This is a question that probably many people ask. Many people wonder if marriage is even important, if children really need their parents to be married. I can tell you that it does matter. We can observe so many different families and their marriage circumstances. Time and again we see that marriage is what works. Yes, there are exceptions, but a solid family where the parents are married is the ideal and what works the best.

         One problem that individuals in the world face is feelings of loneliness and not having someone to lean on. We have friends and people that are around, but in marriage you have someone who you can/should be able to trust completely. Married people typically have better all over health, especially emotional health. My husband is someone who I don't have to worry about putting up a strong front for or worry what he thinks of me. We dealt with that while we were dating, but now that we are married he is there for me no matter what.

       In our society, a main question is now, does marriage matter? I say, absolutely. Many people are living together; either hoping to use it as a precursor to marriage or a substitute, but I tell you that it lacks commitment. The age for first time marriages is rising, because people are having a harder time committing to anything. No one even has to commit to a certain phone for two years anymore. People can trade in their phone or their car each year or more frequently when something different and/or better is released. Individuals fear that if they commit and marry someone that there will be someone that was a better choice.

       Living life believing that there is always something better around the corner and that you have to indulge in it is a complete Merry-Go-Round. I have not been married all that long, but I have already had realized that my life could not be so worthwhile without my marriage, the growth that is occurring within myself, within my husband, and in our relationship...our marriage.

    President Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles stated,

                                    "Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life,
                                     is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek
                                      to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any
                                      prospect of life, we seek healing again and again.
                                      The same should be true of our marriages, and if
                                       we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.”

     I absolutely love that quote. Marriage is hard! I am sure there will be times throughout my marriage where yeah! It will feel like giving up would be much easier. In the middle of a heated discussion or on the brink of a big decision it would be kind of awesome to be able to just say, 'you know what, let's stop this whole thing now and go get some ice cream. Then I can start fresh with my life!'

     Something I have noticed in my short two and a half years of marriage is that it is just past the storms or the treks up a mountain that we have the most wonderful times, the sweetest memories and the most refreshing feelings of strength. I am so grateful that I get to go on this huge journey of life with my husband and that he is strong when I am weak and I can be strong when he is weak and even during the times that we are both feeling weak we have each other and the Lord.

    Many people believe that because they come from a home where there was divorce or a lack of the ideal structure that they cannot have a successful marriage. Any individual can decide who they are going to be and how they will live their life.

     A quote that explains that perfectly says,

                                     “A transitional character is one who, in a single 
                                          generation, changes the entire course of a lineage.
                                          The changes might be for good or ill, but the most
                                          noteworthy examples are those individuals who 
                                         grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive 
                                         environment and who somehow find a way to
                                         metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to
                                         their children. They break the mold. They refute 
                                        the observation that abused children become 
                                        abusive parents, that the children of alcoholics 
                                         become alcoholic adults, that “the sins of the 
                                        fathers are visited upon the heads of the children 
                                        to the third and fourth generation.” Their contribution 
                                        to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their
                                        own lineage so that the generations downstream will 
                                        have a supportive foundation upon which to build 
                                        productive lives.” (Carlfred, p. 18)
       I believe that commitment is something that we each should work on in our lives. If there are more committed people: to their marriages, to the idea if marriage, to their jobs, to their families, etc. we can become more than we could have ever hoped.  I know many people, whom everyone seems to be labeling as "the millennials" who really are having a hard time with commitment. I tell you, the best thing I ever did was COMMIT. Commit to loving my husband, Rybot, always. 

Image result for choose your love love your choice

          Dallin H. Oaks also said, "...In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.”  I tell you, I am so far from perfect, but I am given so many opportunities to become better each day as I realize that I want to be better. I want to be a better wife, a happier wife, able to help my husband to be better and happier as well.

      Marriage CAN work, it DOES work. I would encourage everyone to start looking for marriages that are working and to strive to have a marriage like those that are around. I encourage everyone to stop watching shows where marriage is mocked and shown not working. The things we view have a profound influence on our beliefs.


Amato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation. The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96.

Oaks, D.H. (May 2007). Divorce. Ensign.

State of Our Unions 2012; The National Marriage Project.