Thursday, February 5, 2015

Why Be Married?

         Let me tell you! One unique way I have come to see marriage is that it is so freeing. How great we feel when we are able to share our deepest feelings with someone, but that is hard! Being married is even better than sharing things with your mother or a favorite sibling. You don't and shouldn't hold anything back. Yes, marriage is about the other person, as I have said before, but in being selfless and looking to help the other person, we become more of who we are supposed to be.
An analogy I came up with is this:
       I like to think of my husband and Myself as a team. Members of a team do not all have the same responsibilities, but all contribute to one goal and each of their roles are vital to the end. Remember when I played Badminton? Well, in two on two games it was very important for partners to communicate and to be in sync with each other. We needed to know that person so well that we knew what their move would be in any given situation and be prepare to back them up and be where they couldn't be. One of us was the front player, while the other was the back player so that we had all of the court covered. One thing that was vital was to know that just because I was the front player didn't mean that I could never step back and take some of the role there or my teammate to come up front and fill in for me. In marriage our husbands and ourselves have very specific roles and they work together so well. This does not mean that there aren't times that we need to fill in and help in the other's role.  In decision making it is important to know who has the background or more experience, who is better equipped for particular decisions. Also, there is no person that you will ever completely agree with on everything. I think it is important to know when to back down and let your husband take control or vice versa. It's a blessing to be able to trust the other and let them lead in their duties and responsibilities. 
      Something I want to focus on is that we are to always see and look for the best in our spouse! Seriously, think of the emotions when you like someone, when you want to marry someone. You want the very best for that person. That is all you want. That is an important feeling. That is something that the Lord wants for us, the best. We are worth that. 
      As I think of marriage and it's importance I think of the reasons why people decide that a certain marriage isn't for them (usually one that they are in) and what comes to my mind is that if you are in pursuit of individual fulfillment, that is why marriage isn't working for you. I really don't think that you can become all that you can or should become on your own though. You won't have the strength you need if you vacate from something that is so important and lasting. 
      click here to see a video about marriage and how important it is and how sometimes it takes a serious event for us to see it. What I say is, don't wait for something to happen and take care of your marriage now and always. 

     We have probably all seen this a time or two, but isn't it profound? So how do we fix it, or better yet how do we keep it from getting broken? We treat it as a prized possession, something we polish everyday. Here is a recording of W. Cleon Skousen and Henry B. Eyring discussing what they have seen as the divine way to converse and come to conclusions. It isn't always argument or differing opinion free, but unanimity can be found and hearts can be at peace. 

     I love this, because we are reminded that we are a team. We see that it is not us against our spouse, but it the two working together towards a common outcome, the best possible. 
   The Lord wants us to become something and it is hard for us to understand the path we go on and how it will lead us to that, earth life is not pain free. I just found a beautiful video that I think has a great message.  
        Dennis Prager is a radio talk show host, author, public speaker, and well known for his political views and stance on moral values. I want to share here something he spoke called The Case for Marriage:       Unfortunately, it is probably harder at this time in history to make the case for marriage on purely rational grounds than almost anything else. And unfortunately, equally unfortunately, it is unbelievably necessary, because so many men and women wonder, why get married? I’m going to deal with some of the objections. 

First, let me just say that this is primarily addressed to men because more men need to be convinced, because women, by nature—yes I believe there is a feminine and a masculine nature—want commitment. Nevertheless, this is addressed to both sexes, but especially to men. So, let’s deal with it: The case for marriage.

Well, first of all, do you want to build a life with someone? It’s so simple, isn’t it--do you or don’t you? I don’t know why people would want to live a life, without having shared it with somebody, or shared it with a series of somebodies over a course of a lifetime.

There’s no comparison: Do you want to get deeper? Do you want to grow up? And I know this sounds a little—almost insulting. It’s not meant to be insulting, but come on—everybody who has married, whether they’re divorced or they are still married, knows, marriage makes you more mature. It can’t have any other effect, because when you’re single, your primary concern, totally understandably, is you: When will I get up? What will I do today? Where will I be this weekend? What will I do? What will I think? How will I feel? What will I eat? But when you get married, it’s "we." That makes you grow up. That makes you a deeper person as well, because the deepest relationship that exists in the world is that of a husband and wife. That is the deepest relationship. I’m not saying that there are no other spectacular relationships and there are no other great friendships. I have wonderful, deep, loving relationships with men I have had my whole life. I love that; I can’t live without that. But there is nothing that quite compares to the depth of the relationship between a husband and a wife.

Now, people will say, "aw, come on, why get married? Hey--I can live with somebody, why get married—it’s just a piece of paper? I love that line: It’s just a piece of paper. To which I always say—let’s say you’re with a man for now for 4, 6, 8 years and you’d like to marry, but he says, "nah, it’s just a piece of paper." I have a great answer for you: "Well, honey, if it’s just a piece of paper, why don’t you sign it?" Because everybody knows it’s not just a piece of paper. There is a world of difference, even though it may not be in one’s heart—there is a world of difference between being married and living together with somebody. Let me tell you something: There is a very big difference between the word boyfriend and the word husband, between the word girlfriend and the word wife, even between the word partner and the word husband or wife. It’s not just a piece of paper.

Now I know all the arguments aside from just a piece a paper: fear of commitment--especially men have this. I understand that; I understand it as a man. Of course, you tell a guy: "this is the only woman you’ll be able to touch for the rest of your life," let’s be honest, it causes men to start to hyperventilate. I understand that. So, you have a choice: Would you like to have a deep, committed relationship with a woman or a succession of women and on your tombstone will be written, "Here lies so and so. He had eight great relationships." I don’t think that’s the better way to live a life, and I don’t think it makes you happier as a man, let alone as a woman.

Oh, and another one: "There’s so much divorce." So what? It’s like saying there are so many car crashes I won’t get a license. Yes, there are car crashes—there are marriages that end up crashing—and everyone is a tragedy, so what? Why is it an argument against marriage? All it is is an argument to marry the right person, but it’s hardly an argument against marriage.

And society needs marriage. Society wants people to take care of each other. It’s better for the world when people marry. Yes, the case for marriage is powerful. The fact that our age needs that case is a very troubling fact. It is simply a better life for society, for me, for the person I’m marrying, for our children, for the world: marriage. I’m Dennis Prager.

  One more thing...Did you know that marriage is healthy? It isn't just the health of society, but actual individual health and well-being is strengthened by marriage! It is true. People have a better sense of self, they are more active, make better food choices, and overall they are happier. Humans are social creatures and that doesn't mean that we need a lot of friends or to be around a lot of people or that we can't have commitment, but it means that we like to have security. 
    I have a strong testimony of marriage and it's importance here and also it's importance in the grand scheme of things. It is a blessing to have someone by your side, helping me to focus, picking you up when you are done, someone you can help, and someone who shares in your joys and holds you in your sorrows. No "significant other" will always be there for you like a spouse. And yes, the paper matters. 

(In regards to Chapter  2 and 7 of the text, "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives")

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