I was reminded of something this
week in my online marriage course. We are our worst selves to those we are
closest to or those we love the most. At least for me, my manners seem to have
completely vanished. An example is given in John Gottman’s book, “The Seven
Principles for Making Marriage Work”, but even one of my own is practically the
same. Whilst in an argument with my husband, I was telling him how frustrating
it is that he never does the dishes.
Honestly, I was tearing into it pretty hard. Then, my phone rings. I see that
it is my sister. I answer with an upbeat, “What up my sista?!” Us girls go on
to have a pleasant conversation. Getting off the phone I see that my husband is
doing some dishes. I go to interrogate further by saying, “Wow, isn’t it easy
to do dishes?” I changed my mood quickly when someone else was asking for my
attention, so I obviously was choosing to be upset and rude.
In the book it examples having
guests over and if they break something, we would tell them it is alright and
clean it up. When someone in our family or our spouse does likewise, I think
most of us have a different reaction. Yes, mine is quite volatile and
impatient. This is crazy! If my husband is ever the same way to me, which also
sets me off. I seem to have no tolerance for his impatience or if he does not
give me respect. Wo, wo, wo. Hold on. Simple thing we all learn when we are
young; if we want someone to be kind to us, we need to first be kind to them. I
think it would do me some good to review the primary song, “Kindness Begins
With Me”.
So, for those on going annoyances
or arguments, simply put forth kindness. Manners may need to be dusted off.
Over the past few days I have tried to notice how often I am genuinely kind to
my husband, using my manners by saying please and thank you. It is embarrassing
that I rarely use these simple, but powerful phrases. If there is any sort of
tension in your marriage or other relationships, just try to treat that person
as an acquaintance. We are kind to most acquaintances, I hope. Bring out the
manners and I really think this is a good, simple thing to focus on. It can
ease the tension in all the problems we have in relationships. Thank you for
reading my post. Please, come again! ;)
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